


Once... definitely

by Kuroneko



Series: Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring [2]
Category: Shinhwa
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:08:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5064208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroneko/pseuds/Kuroneko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric invites Hyesung out for dinner with a mysterious reason: “I need to tell you something.”<br/>Hyesung gets ready for the night excited, but…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This story is a prequel for Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring</p>
<p>(originally posted on AFF: Dec 8, 2014)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once... definitely

Shin Hyesung was wearing a foolish smile as he was standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, adjusting his clothes to look perfect, after all his goal was nothing, but perfectness that night.

He wanted to look good, stainless, he did not want anything that could spoil his night and of course he just wanted to show his best appearance to the person he was going to meet.

He was going to meet Eric.

It was foolish of him to be this excited for meeting him, after all they saw each other like all the time, but this time it was different: they met in private, and this made Hyesung the happiest person in the world.

It was rare for them to meet like this, they usually were together when the other members were there, too. Or at least it used to be like that in the past.

However, something had changed between them. For some reason a weird attraction had developed between them and soon they found themselves in Eric’s or Hyesung’s bed or in a hotel room ripping off each others’ clothes not being able to hold back their desires.

Hyesung did not remember how it started or when did these feelings appear, he only knew one day as they looked into each others’ eyes something had changed, they shortened the distance between them and after they tasted each others’ desire-poisoned lips there was no stopping anymore and since then from time to time they slept together – this was their tiny secret.

Though, of course Hyesung had his own secrets besides this. Though Eric and him agreed this was all a physical thing between them, no serious feelings were involved, actually, the singer kept quite deep feelings in his heart towards the leader.

Hyesung was deep in love with Eric if he wanted to be completely honest and it was like this way before anything had happened between them. He did not remember when he started to have these feelings, but it did not matter, because he never planned to tell about it to anyone.

First of all, he thought nothing would ever happen between him and Eric, and later once they started this relationship he did not want to mess up this already confusing situation and their friendship.

Honestly, living like this… he thought he should be grateful for even this and so, he kept quiet.

However, of course from time to time he got his hopes up.

When Eric was nice to him, when they were together, when he invited him out or simply when he just looked at him in a weird way… his heart fluttered and wished for something more than physical relationship.

This is why when Eric walked up to him quite intimately after their practise trying not to make anything obvious - first of all trying to hide it from the members, after all they did not know about anything, though, knowing them Hyesung had the slight suspicious they were actually aware of the situation – and asked him if he was free that night.

“I have something to tell you.” He said with a mysterious expression and no matter how they spent 10+ years together, he could not see through him, he did not have any idea what Eric wanted to tell to ask him out this way, even ‘hiding’ from the members to invite him out.

Anyway Eric told him where and when they had to meet – 7 P.M. in a quite a fancy restaurant – and left as if this scene never happened.

Hyesung was curious, he felt weird. The butterflies in his stomach were acting up, his chest was unbearably hot and his head was full of scenarios about ‘that thing’ Eric wanted to share with him.

He won’t deny he could not stop thinking about a possibility: Eric confessing his feelings for him.

Deep inside he had always been hoping for this, deep inside he thought maybe their long-term intimate skin ship would switch on something in his heart that would make him love Hyesung himself, Hyesung in whole and not just his body – after all, he thought, sleeping with someone requires at least some kind of affection towards the other’s body…

Ever since they started to sleep together he had been hoping for this and when he arrived home he was already sure it must be this, after all he remembered suddenly how Eric acted weird these days.

Suddenly he remembered how he was quiet, how sometimes he forgot his gaze on Hyesung or was just staring into the nothingness with a blank expression, how he touched him more, how he liked to hug him for a long time before they undressed each other…

Suddenly everything came together, Hyesung remembered more and more things he found weird and would support his thesis and once he was already dressed up fine and well and stood in front of his mirror checking everything making sure he looked perfect – he could not do anything about his flushed face, however this time it looked quite appealing than annoying -, he had already came to the conclusion Eric is going to confess his feelings for Hyesung.

Finally, many years of unrequited love will be requited… and by this thought he could not hold back a wide smile tickling the corners of his mouth.

 

On his way to the restaurant he received a call from Eric telling him he was going to be about 10-15 minutes late, so he should not wait for him, but go to their table reserved under Eric’s name and order their drinks.

He did as Eric said.

Their table was kind of hidden from the curious eyes, it was quiet, peaceful, perfect for a long talk and Hyesung thought they surely needed that, after all they had to sort their feelings before getting together – what else could be the next step after Eric’s love confession?

Eric arrived not long after Hyesung did. They greeted each other and Hyesung couldn’t not notice his nervous expression and this made him smile. ‘So cute’ He thought and innocently told him – as if he did not even suspect what this was all about – he ordered some delicious red wine for themselves that was recommended by the waiter.

Eric appreciated his choice, smiled and this made Hyesung’s heart race. ‘Just tell me already’ he thought, but tried to stay calm. He did not want to hurry him, he did not want to scare him away he was already nervous enough anyway.

They ordered the appetizer and ate it while talking about trivial things, Eric even complimented him saying he looked good and Hyesung could not help himself blushing and saying ‘well of course’.

Time passed painfully slowly and it was hard for Hyesung to wait, but he ordered himself to stay put ‘I could wait all this time, I can wait a little more.’

They ordered the main course, still nothing, and it was like this even when the food arrived and Hyesung got scared. What if he won’t say anything? What if he turned coward? He could not bear with this thought and as he put a steak piece into his mouth he quietly noted:

“You wanted to talk about something.”

For a while Eric did not say anything, then let out a troubled sigh and nodded. “Yeah.”

“What is it?” Hyesung looked at him while leaning back on his chair. “I mean… seeing your troubled face I can’t eat well… and I’ve planned to eat you out of your money…”

Eric chuckled, put down everything, leaned back on his chair and looked at Hyesung. His expression was hesitant as if he did not know how to tell what was on his mind, but then he made up his mind and talked, but…

It was not the sentence Hyesung was waiting for.

“I’m going to get married.”

Even after days, months, years Hyesung would have swear at that time when he heard that sentence from Eric’s mouth it felt like everything had slowed down, like a slow-motion movie. He felt like he was pushed out of his own body: he could not feel his arms, his legs…nothing.

All he could feel was a weird throbbing feeling in the back of his head and a cold, icy feeling ripping his chest.

He was not sure how much time had passed, moments, minutes or maybe hours when he could talk, but even like this his voice did not sound like his own and he did not feel like he was the ruler of his own body.

Anything he was sure about that time was that he would have fainted if they were standing and so he was glad he was sitting on a comfortable chair.

“But… you don’t have a girlfriend…”

“I do.”

Hyesung felt like someone hit him on the head and as if it was not enough once the person continued it, he wanted to shout at him to stop it, but then he realized no one was hitting him, he only heard his own heart-beat and he only felt the rushing blood in his head.

Hyesung reached for the wine and drank it: even though it should have been sweet now it was disgustingly bitter.

“But you never said anything… Since when…”

Eric sighed. Now Hyesung understood why he was so nervous: this was hard to tell for him, too. “For two months. I’m sorry Hyesung-ah, I know I should have told this sooner, especially to you... after all we…” He stayed quiet for a moment as if he did not seem to find the right words. “We have a not too normal relationship… This is why this is hard. Even though we agreed we don’t have any kind of romantic emotions towards each other, still, I did not want to hurt you… All this time I was thinking about how to tell. I’m so sorry Hyesung-ah.”

Eric looked even more nervous, he looked as if he was feeling guilty, he looked tortured. Now that Hyesung looked at his face closely he saw the huge black circles under his eyes and he realised he must have had not enough sleep, he remembered he looked tired these days.

He realised Eric was worried about him, he was scared for him, he was… thinking about him. He treated him even more precious these days, because… he felt guilty. Even though they never really agreed on anything serious, still… he considered his feelings he don’t even know about and actually sacrificed his precious time thinking about how he should… end their relationship.

Because Hyesung realised this was the end of their relationship whatever it was and this felt like as if someone had kicked him in the chest.

He wanted to scream at him, wanted to hit him, wanted to cry – but even before he would have done it he realized that was stupid. Eric never promised him anything and he knew this day will finally come even if he wished Eric could fall for him.

“Do you like her?” Hyesung asked suddenly surprising Eric, but after a few moments he nodded, he looked embarrassed.

And Hyesung smiled. It was a real smile coming from his heart. He was laughing on Eric, this stupid leader of his. The person he loved, but won’t ever be anything more than a friend.

A sudden came peaceful feeling had flooded his chest and Hyesung knew what it was – it was the feeling of letting go of someone.

Because he decided to let go. He wanted Eric to be happy – even if it meant he was going to die from the pain.

But seeing Eric this way… he realised the best thing to do was letting go.

“You should have told me sooner.” Hyesung suddenly said taking a sip from his bitter wine. “You were basically cheating on her with me. Not a nice way to start a marriage. When will you get married by the way?”

Hyesung had to smile as he saw Eric’s until now tense posture slowly relaxing, his nervousness disappeared and kind of embarrassed he replied. “I did not propose yet…”

“So stupid.” Hyesung shook his head watching Eric with an unbelieving expression. “You are kicking me out when you don’t even know her answer… I warn you, you can’t come back to me if she dumps you.”

"Yah, don’t jinx it…” Eric grumbled.

Hyesung grinned and leaned towards Eric, pretending excitement. “Do you have the ring?”

“Yeah.” Eric pulled out of his pocket a small box and gave it to Hyesung. He opened it and found a simple, but pretty ring in it. His heart hurt. “I’m planning to propose tonight…”

“You dump me and right after that you propose? You are unbelievable…”

“I’m sorry…” Eric said and he honestly looked regretful making Hyesung feel like crazy.

He wanted to shout at him ‘At least act like a bad guy so I could hate you, if you are like this how could I hate you…’, but instead he smiled, stood up and tapped his shoulder. “Then let’s not make her wait. I don’t want to be the reason she dumps you.”

“Yah, I’ve told you not to jinx it…”

“It’s okay.” Hyesung left his hand on Eric’s shoulder and squeezed it encouraging. “She won’t dump you. You are a good man.”

 

They left the restaurant and went to the parking lot. Hyesung wanted to leave as soon as possible, he knew he can’t bear it for long. His heart was hurting like never before.

He turned to Eric before sitting into his car and with a wide – fake – smile he told him “Good luck. Tell me how it went.”

He left, but a few corners later he had to stop his car, he leant his had on the wheel and finally cried, he sobbed, he wept.

Actually, he did not want him to be lucky. He wanted him to get dumped and this made him feel even more horrible, he did not want to stand in the way of Eric’s happiness.

“Once… once I’ll congratulate him…” He mumbled as he wiped off his tears and started his car.

Once… definitely.


End file.
